She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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