Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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