I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
