Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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