Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
We are all done wearing pants today
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
