I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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