K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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