i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Cover your peen. We're going out.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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