She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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