I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Sorry about my life...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
