Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
