Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
