I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
