i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
