No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
