so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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