Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
