she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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