just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
