i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
