Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
