I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
