FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
