I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
It all started with a game of naked twister.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
