the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
