just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
