capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
