I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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