piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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