You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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