I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
