the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
