I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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