i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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