Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Randomize
