I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
