Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
