I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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