yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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