I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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