If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
