I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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