I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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