I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you win again, gameday.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
