I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
