i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
