Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm always down for nudity.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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