are you still at the devil's house?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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