Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
