I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
People in love make me want to vomit
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
