I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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