If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
