just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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