what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You may now shotgun with the bride
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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