WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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