You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
