so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I want to make a zoo with you.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
