I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
