I must be too annoying 4 u.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
