Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
