Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
