Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
