wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
