i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
i think my cat just said my name.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
