the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Come share oat with me in your robe
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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