what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
