Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
