I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
