Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Can you bring me the toilet please
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
