She announced her abortion via fbk
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
